A Grace Before Dinner

O thou who kindly dost provide
For every creature's want!
We bless Thee, God of Nature wide,
For all Thy goodness lent:
And if it please Thee, Heavenly Guide,
May never worse be sent;
But, whether granted, or denied,
Lord, bless us with content. Amen!

- Robert Burns

So that's what they say before dinner? A fair chunk of text I must say. It could be some condensed mini version. Still it was a sizeable interval when all of the six others along the table bowed their heads (A and L were together in an excited, smiling whisper, their heads almost touching, like a pair of little sisters in anticipation of a major event of fun the next day) while I began dumping potstickers and beef into the boiling water. It took long enough for me to come to a chopsticks-pausing-in-mid-air sort of realization, physically rendering the whole time-freeze a symbolic and dramatic significance.

The presence of Christians in the overseas Singaporean community is pretty overwhelming. 道不合不相为谋，这样我就有了完全的理由跟他们划清界线，倒也不错。

I'm not going to become religious any time soon. It has always been hard for me to be a believer. I'm way too honest and confused to believe in anything yet. I'm honest so I can't hide. I'm confused because I keep considering all facets of problems. It's my fundamental doubt of fate-controlling authority versus natural evolution, not satisfaction derived from opposition - which is risky, that's preventing me from being religious in anyway. How could I be religious when I irk at being described as a "good girl"? And no, I don't want to be a "bad girl" either - I refuse to be described.

I went ice-skating at Winter Lodge today. Biked out along California Ave to Middlefield once again. It was warm and perfect for afternoon adventures. I spent 15 bucks to have my skates sharpened and will have to go back another day to collect them. It has been a long time since I was last on ice, so it took me a while to warm up. Miraculously I didn't fall or have a collision for even once today considering the number of kids that were dashing around, turning a newly-iced rink into rocky terrain in a matter of minutes.

At the skating rink, everything goes frictionless. Human beings shout and scream and laugh shrilly and have fun. Family members are supportive and encouraging. Friends help out each other as they inch along ice hand in hand. No matter how crowded a rink gets, you manage to glide through people with swiftness. No contacts. You are perpetually metres away in seconds. You could for once suffer all the hyperactivity or pain you want without juggling for balance in emotions. For the body demands all the balance you could muster. There is no room for other thought.

We live alternatively in lightness and weight

We live alternatively in lightness and weight. When in lightness - Youth is lightness - we are up there and we escape, like Sabina did, or we condescend, like Wee Shu Min did. Lightness doesn't understand the weight of responsibility.

Wee Shu Min doesn't like complainers, and probably in a semi-comatose moment of eloquence expressed the pathos of certain youthful ideals, that a person's not entitled to anxiety and worries of trivial, mundane, material details of life in the absence of major calamities such as starvation and child prostitution, thereby condemning him for complaining too much.

But she has missed out the weight, the other aspect of life, aside from lightness and sublimity, that makes life worth living. Derek Wee has lived life, or come to live life under weight, and has a different perspective on individual, family and social responsibility. It is not fair for the lightness to accuse the weight of weighing things down if the lightness doesn't understand the weight.

To be light or to be weighted, which is harder? Which is nobler? Which is more significant? Which is more poetic?

I am being and trying both.

***

The ionic bond forms as a result of giving and taking. The giver has lost a part of itself and thereafter eternally follows the taker, who now possesses the part of itself, much like a virgin whose first heartbeat has been captured. The taker took, and effected new significance in the interaction just like how a neighbour who has borrowed rice from another would be compelled into familiarity with the later. The ionic bond is a bond of violence, reluctance and charged bitterness.

The covalent bond forms as a result of sharing. It's not a wonder that covalent bonds are generally stronger than ionic bonds.

Musings for today

It just occurred to me that Sei Shonagon was like a blogger in her time. At least she became one when her pillow book was made public. She was ordered to continue writing for the entertainment of the royal and aristocratic circle. Now we are talking of the valuable insight she provides towards Heian Japan, the social and philosophical advancements evident, and her wonderfully original and lively prose. What would become of famous bloggers of today? Would all the reports of lovers and complaints (and poetry too, if there's any) be equally timeless?

I met the Japanese "visiting scientist" today and was surprised that he looked really young. Later on things finally made sense when I learnt that he's a postdoc. Is it a fallacious stereotype to connect "visiting scientist" with dignity, distinguishedness and age, and "postdoc" with a big shiftless child who still didn't want to leave school?

The postdoc sitting next to Yoshi, no Toshi (that's his name), is from Germany and speaks with a telling accent which reminds me of my Professor Dieckmann from undergrad research Cornell. I said yes I'm a rotation student for the quarter and I'd probably stay with the group. He said, oh you shouldn't conclude so early because you can't make the assumption that you'd be able to. "Rotation students would have to show enthusiasm if they're interested in the group. There is competition and all that. But of course I'm not asking you to get your sleeping bag into the lab."

I was puzzled at this uncalled for strictness, for he seemed light-hearted enough like one of those regular continental Europeans who become hyper and joker-ish when they come to America and when their sense of humour goes all awry (he could have been so when he first came, but being postdoc he should have gotten considerably mellowed). Sure enough he went on to explain that the rotation student he had last quarter didn't ever go to the lab and had had excuses such as sprained ankles and sick cousins. "Such a person is not likely to be accepted by Zhenan if she had wanted to join eventually," he concluded.

I know the girl he was referring to. She is rather one who needs more than average academic help, and with the classes of statistical mechanics and advanced math we were taking last quarter, I wasn't surprised that she neglected lab rotation. In fact I could recall her saying that she "told her postdoc exactly what she has time for". The sprained ankles and sick cousins could have been her invention. Or the postdoc's since she didn't strike me as being dishonest. Though I'm not sure if being brutally simple-minded and idealistic in the American fashion translates into honesty. I guess it does. Don't they always say "honest, law-abiding American citizens"?