Confession

Desperate rationalization and quiet resilience. Masks of a trembling heart full of feelings. The heart too easily trembles with longing, fear and, now, guilt.

Am I getting the rush from the warmth of friendly communication, the pride/self-righteousness for my intellectual achievement, or from pure, base gossip?

Am I myself reaching a turning point? Or raking up the never-resolvable personality split that is fragilly masked with what is called "balance" and "maturity"?

C is kind. C is great. => believes me too easily => gets upset => I feel guilty
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Here's what I need to do:

PAUSE before I start speaking to C. She sincerely broods over my words, gets obssessed and potentially gets depressed. I was just telling the truth, and I was just trying to help. But there are limits. I don't know how to handle a person whose truth he/she has to face is depressing. It's better to just listen and say the minimum than feeling like a trash-sprouting columnist who gets disgusted by her own words.