Failure

The dissipation of initial fear for research, a consequence of plunging right into the profession, is but an essential phase to save my own neck. Now I have to carry on. I can't say I haven't learnt. One most important fact about research is that there'd be more failures than successes. It's crucial not to get too happy about having started a reaction cooking after deriving self-satisfaction for following procedures meticulously with remarkable experimental expertise (Fluster? Clumsiness? Those are for theatrical effects. If no one else is watching, only panic is left and you may cry in peace). Plant design took a whole semester to develop a half-cooked feasibility phase. It's likely that developing a set of lab experimental methodology is equally frustrating. So there's nothing to be alarmed about not getting reactions to work. The next step: take a deep breathe and think, why the hell doesn't it work? There comes the part that may distinguish a good specimen of researcher from a fraudulent one (like me(?)). Looks like I haven't jumped the hurdle yet. By the way, I still can't be convinced that research is a meaningful endeavour. (Oops my apologies but I don't mean what you mean, Sir. I'm all for philosophy and not for economy. And I'm too tired to explain it down here at the end of a day on which reactions don't work)

Was playing games, which contributed to tiredness, previous to finding out that reaction didn't work. That, coupled with a phone call attack from an IA girl under Ef, could have resulted in present sour temples, tongue-biting inclinations and a revival of imposter syndromes. I realise that growing up involves hiding away parts of you that are not ready for the public. But maybe that's not to be done too excessively lest there's left not a bit of you that can face the world. Again, it's a question of balance. (Now let me get back to this electron balance of the H2O2-FeSO4 redox system)