No good denying

I have procrastinated on writing the supposed first-firstish-author paper for Angew. Chemie for a long long time. The idea of the paper originates the Japanese postdoc who started the project; I did most of the follow up work and data organization - while the postdoc went back to Japan for another postdoc position. The position in question is reputed to be particularly exhausting just like a healthy Japanese workstyle, which is the justification for my having to write up with him remaining first author if no shared authorship is allowed.

Gosh how I hate the word allowed, or showed, demonstrated, verified... Things that are rigid, factual and undisputable. I'm not good at doing this. I've been so careful to be correct and not to exhibit resemblances of demi-scientific wishful thoughts (let alone full-fledged emotions, whims and fancies that I wish constitute life instead of quantum mechanics) and I'm so sick of doing it. It's been uphill for the longest time and I've looked everywhere for fuel and couldn't find any left. C'est tout fini. Finito. I wonder if my advisor would let me go just like this though. Half-baked, uninspired, totally unlike a Stanford-trained 'scientist'. During this year's commencement when my advisor graduated her first two students, she started the descriptions of each's grad school journey that made them both resemble lab technicians. Every grad student starts out as a lab tech. Perhaps my advisor could let me go right now and just shorten the speech to end with "and so, a lab tech JY had stayed to this day. Congratulations!" I wouldn't mind in the least.