I realised that I'm not capable of advocating for getting emotional

I realised that I'm not capable of advocating for getting emotional.

Who are you kidding? You are a high F man!

No I'm not kidding. I have, repeat, realised that I don't advocate for getting emotional.

I'm a fan of pure emotions. Sadness, anger, joy. These are sublime. Beautiful. Eternal. But they have to be hidden. They have to remain as a picture of tears flowing down without change of expression, or saying goodbye with nothing but a pale hand gesture, or eyes secretly sparkling, lips bitten down and hearing the world sing only in your ears. The silence and the invariance of the expression are very important. The undercurrent is the key.

I've learnt to express the emotions in a smart way. I could reason, rationalize, compare, invoke history and psychology and philosophy, do everything to show it's alright to break down or be childishly exhilirated. Or better - I might do something to let others feel the depth of my emotions without parading them. That's hard though.

How have I gotten so? Has the world been such a cruel audience to me that I've joint their ranks? If so I'm not going to complain either. But I'd rather think of it as the result of mum-related disdainment.