Some thoughts

Some thoughts were floating up to the surface of my muddled mind as I played erhu. Once I stopped playing and endeavoured to put them down into coherent sentences they evaporated, like some ghostly face in horror movies that always show up with a particular reprise of music.

Here are some vague conjectures that I could make out (I ought to be writing my term paper now! Stop this! Ok ok. Just for this while. Stop! Ok! Shut up!).

Confidence vs vanity
Silence vs storm
Beauty queens vs ugly duckling girls
Purity vs protection
Fuller lab vs Bao lab

This really reminds me of the list-making exercise for a reflective essay writing class I took in my last semester in Cornell. How I miss the winter!

One makes a compromise when she decides to bury proper a chunk of her past. This ought to be the best definition of compromise I could figure out so far. And this notion is related to a stage of growth and the discard of an amount of innocence. Therefore, letting go of a story in the past = growing up = gaining certain knowledge and experience of the world = losing some innocence = making a compromise.

It's interesting how everything in life has turned up in two-facetted fashion. I have the winter personality but it's evaporating under the Californian sun. I hope I could make peace with the resulting ghostly mist, lest it comes back to haunt me.