It's been quite a while since I have the courage to write again. RZ said, and I rephrased here as thus, "You feel bad because your colleagues are different from you. You lack people like scholars or students to hang out with. People who aren't extremely consequential to your life. All you think existent in your life are family and friends. So you feel you get too much of family and not enough of friends. But friends are there. Just that they are not for you to meet everyday. Colleagues are. Inconsequential people are. You don't have enough of them, yes, but Singapore is not to blame."
She's right. I'm not complaining, I'm kind of begging her attention; but she's right.
It feels nice to drop judgements of every Singaporean thing and person. People on MRTs, walking to and fro, their dresses, their faces, their thoughts. The more I judge the more I condescend and the more I punish myself. There's really no need to. Job's fine. The big people are tolerant. Mum's getting understanding. And friends are there.
Had dinner with the boss and the rest. The whole world's going to Kyoto for the exposition except me. Had been one of the sources of stress. But the dinner was ok. Only wished for the usual stuff: less AC, looser clothes, less tea so I didn't have to watch out for shaky voice due to cold and caffeine. Wished also that RZ spoke more and KP smiled more. And also wished I had made the essential clarification that the subject is omitted in Italian when I explained the Italian perplexity of the Singaporeans' use of "can" and "cannot". And wished I didn't offer myself up so eagerly for the Iran trip, now that I know what they're in short of is some sort of a trip manager; and so ladies aren't suitable since they can't talk in public there. But more importantly I can't imagine myself in a managerial position yet. Was already dangerously close to stammering and incoherence tonight.
No erhu practice tomorrow. Instruction of that kindly condescending president of the orchestra. Will msg the section leader to make sure. Must prepare for a weekend indoors.
Wore contact lenses in the wrong eyes, which have got about 50 deg difference in power. Now one eye is blurry. Last wish is that eye will recover tomorrow morning. Rise and shine my sister.
She's right. I'm not complaining, I'm kind of begging her attention; but she's right.
It feels nice to drop judgements of every Singaporean thing and person. People on MRTs, walking to and fro, their dresses, their faces, their thoughts. The more I judge the more I condescend and the more I punish myself. There's really no need to. Job's fine. The big people are tolerant. Mum's getting understanding. And friends are there.
Had dinner with the boss and the rest. The whole world's going to Kyoto for the exposition except me. Had been one of the sources of stress. But the dinner was ok. Only wished for the usual stuff: less AC, looser clothes, less tea so I didn't have to watch out for shaky voice due to cold and caffeine. Wished also that RZ spoke more and KP smiled more. And also wished I had made the essential clarification that the subject is omitted in Italian when I explained the Italian perplexity of the Singaporeans' use of "can" and "cannot". And wished I didn't offer myself up so eagerly for the Iran trip, now that I know what they're in short of is some sort of a trip manager; and so ladies aren't suitable since they can't talk in public there. But more importantly I can't imagine myself in a managerial position yet. Was already dangerously close to stammering and incoherence tonight.
No erhu practice tomorrow. Instruction of that kindly condescending president of the orchestra. Will msg the section leader to make sure. Must prepare for a weekend indoors.
Wore contact lenses in the wrong eyes, which have got about 50 deg difference in power. Now one eye is blurry. Last wish is that eye will recover tomorrow morning. Rise and shine my sister.
posted by Azzurra | 11:55 PM
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